Lexi Humm reflects on life direction from Amma's ashram in India

“Flower and enjoy”

These words of advice warm my soul like I’m cuddling a cup of tea on a silent winter morning 

The sun is not yet up

The delicate icey crystals of the night’s frost still decorate the earth

Mmm… moments like these

Expansive yet grounded

Subtle yet so fully alive and present in this physical experience 

This is the mystery

Not the key, or the code, or the answer 

But, THIS… This is Her

Hello, Friend!

Hello, Mother!

How much longer will you keep me waiting?

Flower and enjoy.. these words from Pierre echo in my ear as I begin to ponder the question of how to design a simple spiritual life. A part of me has so much resistance to even allowing this idea to germinate. A part of me wishes I was born in a tiny remote fishing village on the coast Kerala- destined to be a brahmacharini at Amma’s ashram, spending my days in a white cotton sari, meditating and doing seva in the physical presence of my Beloved Guru, serving Her literal feet. But thats not exactly my reality… (Did I mention I dropped the masters?) So with my savings lessening and my visa’s expiration coming in the spring, I ask myself, “What do you want, Lexi? What do you desire?” What do I want? No, Universe, Spirit, Master, God, Guru, Amma, Higher Self, Buddha, Jesus, what do YOU want? Please! Won’t You tell me! Give me a recipe, a formula! Do you have a handout? A regimine I can follow? Schedule, perhaps? I’m great with schedules! 

Some months ago a friend, Nityananda, told me, “There are two gurus, Lexi. First, the outer guru. In our case, this is Amma. And second, the inner guru. This is your bliss. This is what makes you feel happy and expansive… So Lexi, what is your bliss?” What! The spiritual path is a path of bliss? Of joy?! Of happiness? Aren’t things meant to be hard?! And very, VERY serious?? This is NOT what my 12 years of Catholic education taught me… O mama mia! It seems there may be a lot of unwinding on my path ahead…

…May the sun shine so these wild petals may bloom… <3

As always, much love my dear Santosha familia. Thanks for letting me share some inner reflections. 

Om Ritam Namah… My intentions and desires are supported by cosmic law…

Lexi